The 2020 Irony : The Most Personal + Professional Growth of My Life While the World Paused.
I’ve been a little distracted launching my newest baby, ROCKAWAY, and have been neglecting this blog a little. Although, if you’ve been following that journey, there’s been some decent content in the business realm published by the media so hopefully that helped someone out there in the ether. More banter to come in 2021.
Although, I like to practice staying present as much as possible -- Like most, the end of a year brings forward a natural inclination to reflect on the past 12 months and look forward to the next 12 months. I figured I would share some of my 2020 story and the irony (and guilt associated with) that it was a bit of a breakthrough year for me both personally and professionally while the world (and lots of people and lots of friends) hurt.
It should be noted that things are all relative (no one gets a free ride!) and that 2018 and 2019 were the most dark, challenging and painful years of my life – shocking and suffocating grief, critical physical injury, the inherent (and often discussed) conflicts of integrating an entrepreneurial culture (small feisty business) into a large corporation during acquisition. Hopefully at some point in 2021 I won’t be as raw and will be able to share more details about those experiences as I do believe that sharing can help others and it’s sort of a dutiful thing to embark on once you’ve gotten through. If you’re currently in the depths, you will get through too.
Long story short, I was due for a shift and I’ll take it for as long as it lasts (cause we all know that it’s all temporary anyway). Let’s also say that 2020 was far from 100% sunshine and rainbows – the world was still turning, even though it didn’t necessarily feel that way, which meant shit was still hitting the fan. Normal fan hitting shit is quite the treat *sarcasm* in the midst of a global pandemic. Remaining calm is a very difficult practice.
Here’s to a bright, full of light 2021!!!
I thought a bunch about how I’d like to structure this post as I’m no writer – so I think I’ll divide it into Personal + Professional bullet point format of events and associated lessons. Forgive it for not being well written or carefully edited. Ideally, there is something in here that’s useful :)
Professional
To say that my 2020 was full of professional change is an understatement. I sold my first business baby after 8 years and started two more in the midst of a once-in-a-century worldwide shitshow. I had it planned before the shitshow started, so I just figured ‘might as well keep going’ I’ve said it once, and I’ll say it again – Change is the only constant. Onward!
February 2020 : Fully exited my relationship with Proximo and Sold Owney’s.
That. Shit. Was. Hard. (and crazy timing, like a week before we went into Covid lockdown)
I entered my partnership to scale Owney’s nationally with Proximo Spirits in 2017 with intent to fully divest my interest in the company although had the option to stay on indefinitely. What I sort of didn’t realize at the time in 2017 -- was how much Owney’s was a part of my personal identity and how much I was going to hate going from being a rogue entrepreneur to trying to operate within a large organization (this is textbook shit, but you gotta live it to understand it sometimes). I spent the three years between 2017 and 2020 trying to figure out my role with Owney’s, with Proximo, how big companies work, if Owney’s was a career forever and the list can go on and on… Although this process was painful in a lot of ways, the experience of living it was SO invaluable. I had been in the weeds with getting Owney’s off the ground from 2012-2017 – true blood, sweat, and tears – I didn’t have time to get off the hamster wheel and think about the future – it was all a blur driven by a specific vision.
Proximo was a wonderful partner and offered me great opportunity to learn how larger companies work (reminder: I was at a hedge fund prior to founding Owney’s – do any of them really have any structure? Ha!). Their teams also treated Owney’s with love, and I got the pleasure of enjoying the benefits of working (playing?) in the big-time spirits game around the country. But, ultimately, I had exhausted my personal growth there and needed a new challenge. I’m a (sort of savage?) entrepreneur – I don’t necessarily fit well in other environments (and visa versa). It took 3 years to figure that out really. And it was hard to decide. Very. Every single part of my life was Owney’s – that’s how my colleagues identified me, that’s how the media identified me, that’s how my family identified me, that’s how my friends identified me. Coming to the conclusion to let Owney’s go was probably akin to marrying off a child or sending them to college for the first time. I cried. Probably lots. Then I had to get the words out to tell people. That was equally emotionally draining.
At the end of the day, these were personal and business decisions that were the best for all stakeholders – me, my investors, Owney’s, and eventually Proximo. I am forever grateful and indebted to everyone for supporting my first child. Owney’s is in good hands and I look forward to watching the growth. I will always be the Mother of Owney’s even if he/she/they are married off now.
There’s lots more to say on this topic at some point down the road. Stay tuned.
March 2020 : Founded The Cyclone Group
My academic and beginning of my professional career began in finance and investing. I then cultivated a vision to start a rum distillery – hmm see other post on that – raised money, executed operations, built an interesting brand, and eventually sold it a large spirits company. It worked! Success. It seemed only natural to take that ground up 360 degree experience (complete with relationships) and apply the learnings to assist other small businesses in doing the same. And organically, The Cyclone Group was born.
It’s been challenging to network and generate business for a boutique consulting agency in the ether and without much in person interaction. However, I have landed a few exciting CPG clients and I’m excited to help them grow. So far, I have learned that my biggest value add is in the CFO department – building models, developing forecasts, formulating and monitoring budgets (and cash), keep the visionaries in check. *please keep me in mind if you or anyone you know is in need of those services*
As I started ‘getting out there’ again post Owney’s – I’ve affirmed that business is the key to saving the planet, not government. I believe in the power of start ups whole heartedly. And I believe in the informed consumer to direct those businesses. It’s also been so awesome to see how many women and people of color are starting businesses – the talent has been noticeably impressive as the years go on. This will also be how real change in diversity in business will occur. Through small business, not large.
September 2020 : Launched ROCKAWAY
OK, so I started another beverage company. Second born. This time without the booze. The idea for ROCKAWAY had been brewing in my mind for a long time – As talked about in days gone by, I strive for BALANCE. Hard Work, Hard Party, Hard Workout. In the health + wellness aspect of my life, I had been following the trends in the use of herbs and plants to elicit certain functions within the body, ultimately promoting homeostasis. I was intrigued and started consuming products already on the market. But, I had a dream to make a product that was more approachable from both a price point and flavor profile prospective. I also wanted those fundamentals to match an aesthetic that appealed to a wider audience than what was currently in market. I wanted it to be mission driven towards helping the environment. I was inspired by my hometown in Queens ‘where the streets meet the beach’ – Rockaway Beach. Ta-da! Last day of Summer 2020, we shoot for the moon to become a category leader through positioning in the enhanced/functional sparkling water segment.
Honestly, this started out as 100% a for fun passion project – an amalgamation of things I liked, an opportunity I saw, and my birthplace. But as the vision came to life, I got SUPER fired up about it and am now all in. I forgot that ‘blinders on’ bursty founder feeling. It was something I probably hadn’t felt since the first couple of years of Owney’s. I’m pumped! Can’t wait to see where we can go with it in 2021!!
Personal
My personal growth this year really revolved around a deeper dive into myself – mind, body, and self/soul. And how they all connect. I’ve talked in the past about how passionate I am about moving your body and exercise as therapy. Pushing yourself into getting comfortable being physically uncomfortable translates to handling emotional discomfort. Releasing that anxious energy. But I never really stopped to think about WHY. I suppose because the world paused this year I had time to come up for air and think about the WHY and not just the result. I also had TIME to try some practices. There was all of a sudden room. I learned to treat the mind, body, soul connection as a game to learn about myself and how I work. This has ultimately led me to enroll in some neurology courses – who knows, maybe a PhD in neurology is next on my plate? More on that to come.
Below is a list of lessons, teachings and actionable tools I implemented (deliberately or not) that have made me feel and ultimately think better/be more productive (most of them are widely talked about and somewhat ‘too spiritual’ and ‘self-helpy’ for me before this year, but I really now subscribe to the palpable benefits that translate far from mental health but to career performance) :
ACTIONS
Witness – Take notice of things around you. Stop and smell the roses. Note. Repeat. Witness things within you. I’m not talking about some big revelation every day. Just pause and notice feelings vs thoughts and then thoughts vs fact. I do this while I’m in the zone of a workout. Start small. Notice what’s happening in your physical body – my right pinky is cold, my lips are a little parched, my elbow is itchy. Become more and more AWARE of yourself and your surroundings. Awareness can ultimately separate your conscious self from your subconscious (ego driven) self.
Meditation + Breathwork – there is a lot of talk, apps, blogs, practices, etc about meditating and breathing. You can practice in whatever way works or switch it up daily for variety. I lean on my yoga teachers, my new found enjoyment of ‘The Class by TT” and the Calm app. Note : there is no right way. The goal is to calm your mind down from the billions of thoughts constantly iterating away up there to get focus and clarity. Some days I feel great that I meditated “well” other days my mind is so “chatty” it feels fruitless. However, stopping, breathing, trying to stay calm even if for only 5 minutes a day helps you control your ‘self’ and therefore thoughts, decisions and ultimately actions.
Notebook – Every now and again I realize something or figure something out during these witnessing or meditation sessions. I started writing it down. I refer back to notebooks to remind myself what I have learned.
Be Grateful EVERY DAMN DAY – this is an action. Say it to yourself. We ALL have something to be grateful for and we need to constantly remind ourselves. I’ve started telling myself how grateful I am to open my eyes every morning, then for my health, my family, my friends, my work, etc – that positive energy is infectious. Yes today I am writing about a year but every day is a gift and an opportunity.
Somedays I do forget, that’s ok too.
LEARNINGS (Some I’ve been preaching for a while)
Enjoy the simple things : you really don’t need to be chasing travel, experiences, etc as much as you think you need to or have done in the past.
You are exactly where you are supposed to be.
You are in control of your response to all situations – can’t necessarily control the shitshow around you, but you can control your actions.
‘We decide on the changes, we commit to the changes, and we respect the changes with our actions’. If you haven’t taken action, you haven’t come to a decision yet.
Your mind is really a tool to regulate the body, your soul controls the actions and thoughts of the mind.
Take care of yourself, take care of your family (chosen or otherwise), take care of your community – stay informed globally and VOTE but leave all the other bullshit noise out of it that’s so far out of your fucking control. It’s a waste of energy.
I use fear as a guide and stress as a stimulant. Summed up by this great quote:
“Protection from stress serves only to erode my capacity (to handle it). Stress exposure is the stimulus for all growth and growth actually occurs during episodes of recovery. Avoiding stress, I have learned, will never provide the capacity that life demands of me… In a real sense, to grow in life, I must be a seeker of stress.” – Jim Loehr
PS this blog felt good to write. I just learned that. Maybe add it to the list of personal things to try for 2021?
Sending much love to all this year, may we continue to grow and learn xx
